After wading through the pain of infertility; feeling lost, broken and disconnected with myself and the world for years, I started to wonder…what if I doubled down on this bullshit and used it to become radically connected instead? What if I stopped trying to stitch myself back together, confronted everything I was afraid of and started living broken wide open? I learned the truth, the very thing I’d run from my entire life, is often much kinder than the stories we make up. And the truth is…we lost seven babies and it was so painful and I decided to grab onto that pain and not let go until I spun it into something gold…and I did.
What if I stopped trying to stitch myself back together, confronted everything I was afraid of and started living broken wide open?
The reality is, I’m not special because this terrible thing happened to me. Terrible things happen to people all of the time, we all feel “other” for different reasons, we all deal with things that are typical in our micro-world that are unfathomable to someone else. Because there really isn’t a “normal” and feeling like there might be, that normal is actually a status or an arrival point feels comforting, like if we can just get there…if we can just check all of the boxes…but that place doesn’t exist. Throw out the checklist, let the most wild or unfathomable thing about your life become the most beautiful. Stop trying to be normal and start being real.
I’m starting this podcast to continue challenging the lens I’ve lived through… finding wholeness and humanity in the idea that there are no rules, that we need color outside the lines and allow others to do the same. Embracing curiosity and discovery and exposure over judgement and ignorance.
Blog Post: The End or The Beginning
Photo Credit: Sakhon Nhek